Author: Ray Spengler
Date:   11-02-09 00:28

dream,

I may not be one to offer effective critisism, but I love the query. The hook is effective in my view and the body left me wanting to read the thing. Now, the genre isn't my thing but your query almost works.

Chelsea had (has) perished.
Leave off 'that horrific night'.
mysteriosly holds - maybe change to providing.
Completely and overwhelmingly - drop it.

I can only say that you whet the reader's appetite. Unfortunately, the agent should require more. Is Aiden's disappearance to be a tragic event? What does Elsie need to happen? What will transpire if he disappears? The goal is clear but the reason isn't - the result of failure.

Otherwise, I'm impressed. Keep working at it.

IMHO.

Ray