query letter critique

Novel
Set over four weeks in the brutal winter of 1954, Father Briar and the Angel Marceline is an historical romance unlike any other.

When a beautiful young woman from the Pacific Northwest falls for a Jesuit priest (and he for her) she chooses to move halfway across the country to be near him.

Brannaska, Minnesota, way up North there where the seasons are dramatic and the locals eccentric, is a frozen place in January. But that doesn’t stop things between amorous folks from heating the place up!

Filled with illicit love, dramatic twists, a beautiful natural setting, a big cast of charming and memorable characters, and an action-filled climax during “the Storm of the Century,”

By turns sweet and charming, lusty and erotic, nostalgic and forbidden, Father Briar and the Angel will delight fans.

Thanks for any help.

A historical romance unlike any others...and I doubt that it is.

Quote:

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Filled with illicit love, dramatic twists, a beautiful natural setting, a big cast of charming and memorable characters, and an action-filled climax during “the Storm of the Century,”

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The illicit love I get, but I have no idea from this what "dramatic twists" might be involved. No one cares if it's a "beautiful natural setting;" you're selling a novel, not a house. Neither character sounds memorable because there's nothing more than their names in the query.

You have to give a better idea what actually happens in your story. From this all I know is a young woman moves to Minnesota to be with a Jesuit priest for...reasons. And then...something happens. Look up some query examples on sites like Agent Query, Query Shark, etc. to see how to actually write a query. Though I'm guessing if you posted a sample in Writing Critique I'd say you're not even ready to submit a query.

Thanks

Rough critique from Mutt, Regina, but fair. Why don't you post a good sample of your novel, maybe 1,000 words, and see if his estimation is true?

Hi,
Yes that is a good idea. What area should I post it? I am new here and already have made mistakes. I can't delete a post either?
Thanks

Post a sample in Writing Critique. Put an extra return between paragraphs when you post it so it doesn't run together.